Wednesday, August 31, 2011


Rays of hope. 824am
Lets talk a little bit on how bad my perspective was pertaining to my time on the bike. And how it almost made me ditch bike riding altogether. Yeah.... that almost happened. Its tough to admit, even more so cuz I own a bike store but I'll post this just in case others are at the same crossroad.
Its no secret Im over weight. Have been my entire adult life. Its kinda weird, I never lose, nor gain any more or less weight. Im always right around 258. Yes, I know I can lose. But weight loss for me is not easy. In some way I dont understand, Im not normal in that regard. What works for most does not work for me. Anyway.... weight has always been a challenge for me.

But what is a bit hard for me is that I am a fat guy living in a skinny guys world. For the most part, I make it work. I do my best to live with it but still get the comments or strange looks behind my back. Even at the store. Who is this fat guy telling me how to ride a bike?

In the past I have lost weight, and felt the impact it had on my riding. It was wonderful. It was fun to ride fast. And climb fast. To pull the group for extended time. To nail down rides at 20+ average. But the fact is that I suffered greatly to lose that weight and do not have the lifestyle to support it. It really hurt. So it was short lived.
Now that Im back to what I call "normal" weight I feel better, and strangely, my fitness level feels better, more power for sure, just with extra weight. But my mental issue is that I ride with some pretty fast guys and gals. Cat 1,2 and 3 riders. And I know Im going to struggle. And I do. Badly. I get dropped like a sack of dirty diapers. 
And that was all good in the past. Cuz I always had a "B" group to fall back on. But this year I have not rode with the "B" group. Its been all "A" group. So with the battering I took from these people all summer my self esteem on the bike plumetted. Keep in mind these riders could win a Cat 1 race at any givin time this summer. And worse was the routes that led us to the hills.
I was pounded in the ground and dropped ride after ride. Then I stopped trying.
Then..... I almost stopped riding. I was making future plans to ditch the bike, bike riding, even the store. Time to move on another chapter. I was miserable.

Then I came to my senses. Getting blasted on the group rides sure was disheartening but I had to remember who they were. Fast bike riders. Maybe the fastest within a 30 miles radius.
While in the back of my mind I knew that but it still didnt make me feel better to have to ride alone 40 minutes into a group ride. Then... enter Sundays race. Sunday I was put back in the fold of riders that in the past I gauged myself to. And was plesantly suprised that really I was not that bad on the bike. Self esteem was taken up a notch. And I feel much better now.
Now, when riding with the Cat one guys Im back to at least trying as hard as I can.
I hear others complaing about their bike fitness but please keep in mind you must compare apples to apples when you are struggling.
I cant belive how much better I feel on the bike compared to a month ago. And I gatta belive its more mental than physical. Zone 5 hurts just a little bit less now.

I think Im going to be OK.

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